Tears, Sweat, and a lot of PTO

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Change is Challenging

on September 24, 2013

In my own little world, I am the calmest, most easy-going individual. Nothing phases me. In. My. Mind.

Reality? I’m a control-freak. I have routines and expectations that there will be as little change as possible to those routines. A day like today just sets me spinning round and round in unproductive circles, and all I seek is the comfort of sleep.

I’m finding that sleep is my drug of choice. That I live in this delusion that a good night’s sleep or a well-timed nap will right the wrongs and perchance change my attitude. With chronic fatigue, it’s difficult to determine at times which is the condition or what is just over-stimulation. Today was definitely the latter.

* An earlier than normal start to the morning.

* Discombobulation of time and space in the transitioning of the Things for 2 hours.

* The avoidance of a previously made to-do-list thus resulting in a partially accomplished day.

* Puppies who felt the need to communicate their displeasure at the neighbor’s remodeling project. All. Day. Long. A continually barking dog reminds me of a colicky baby. And my nerves are left just as raw.

* The addition of a “quick” run into the store for last minute dinner additions, but thankful for a crock pot full with beef stew.

* Directing and re-directing the Things plagued with ADD into the realm of Never-Ending Homework. An easy night that resulted in over 2 hours of haggling, negotiating, and tears. I’ve promised the Things that I won’t cry so much the next time.

* An iPad that has taken a mind of its own with the help of Thing 2. Almost two hours of troubleshooting resulted in the conclusion that I’m headed to the Apple Store. But not tomorrow. I have plans.

* Things who holler back “I’m coming” after summoned to bed, only to drag their feet for another ten minutes. “Impatience is mine,” sayeth the Mama who prays and pleads for the quiet after tucking in and night time prayers are uttered.

* Paths of destruction that compile tomorrow’s list.

* Tomorrow’s list mocks me.

And all of the while the commotion is swirling around me, I hear this still, small voice in my head that merely whispers, “Be still.” And I can’t help but feel that I’ve failed today. There are so many days where stillness if forced upon me and fewer days where stillness is a luxury. Yet, I’m reminded in that voice that God’s got this. That I don’t have to be in a state of perpetual motion. I only wish that I’d listen to that voice before the day passes into the night.


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